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In honor of actor Andy Garcia and his (unintentionally) hilarious reaction to Sofia (Mary Corleone) Coppola's death scene in "The Godfather, Part III."
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Sneering Chicago Sports Media Ass-Greatest Hits

Posted 05-04-2014 at 04:21 PM by TommyJohn
Updated 06-20-2018 at 09:05 PM by TommyJohn

Way back in the olden days of 2003, I created a WSI habitue known as the Sneering Chicago Sports Media Ass. The SCSMA would show up from time to time to sneer at White Sox fans about how lousy, horrible and unloved their team was, as compared to the great franchise up north that hadn't won anything in going on 95 years.

The inspiration for this character was twofold-the first was Steve Rosenbloom, the normally cynical grouch who has written sports columns for both papers in town, much in the same way that Sammy Sosa and and Harry Caray worked on both sides of town. Steve, like Harry and Sammy, found the lovable north siders more to his liking.

This was borne out in 2003, when the New York Yankees were invading Wrigley Field for interleague play. It was the first time the Yanks would be playing on the north side since the 1938 World Series. From the massive hype surrounding the series, you would think that it was the Yankees first trip to Chicago ever. A fan wrote to Rosenbloom and pointed this out. Rosie, who normally would have over-the-top hyped moments like this for lunch, instead leveled this blast-"Yes. But now they're playing a team everyone cares about." And there you go. Facts and reality be damned, you damnable peasant of a Sox fan. Later in the season, he counseled Sox fans that by 2006, they should be worrying whether or not their team would be contracted.

And thus, the Sneering Sports Media Ass was born-a cynical jerk who puts aside all facts, objectivity, integrity and ethics in the name of his Cubbies and to put down the White Sox and their fanbase.

The second inspiration, the *sneer* I always put at the end of his sentences, came from the comic strip Drabble. There was one particular strip, I don't even remember anything else about it, other than there was a character speaking in a disdainful voice. In order to convey the disdain, Kevin Fagan wrote the dialogue balloon, and outside of it were the words *ugh* *phew* *sneer*. It always struck me as really funny, and when the I wrote the SCSMA, the *sneer* just seemed to fit.

And so here you go-the Sneering Chicago Sports Media Ass's Greatest Hits:

Hiya, gang. Stevie Rosie here from theTrib. Why would the Sox draw well for the Yankee series? Nobody cares about them. I said that when the Yanks came to town for the greatest event in baseball history, the series against our Cubs. Your team will be contracted soon if my bosses can help it. (Sneer, sneer.)

Not to mention the fact that the White Sox played both the Giants and Dodgers last year for the first time since playing
them in the World Series in 1917 and 1959, and both series were virtually ignored by both newspapers, except for a back
page Trib article on the 1959 Series written by Bob Vandeberg, a Sox fan and someone who noted the significance of the Sox
playing LA.

And of course, there was Steve Rosenbloom, who, when it was pointed out to him that the Yankees play in Chicago
every year, sneered back "but now they're playing a team that everyone cares about." This, of course, is the same Steve Rosenbloom who loves to sneer at Sox fans that the team will be contracted in 2006

Sneering Chicago Media Ass here. We are looking forward to the Red Sox' first trip to Chicago since 1918. It will be the greatest event in the history of baseball, and perhaps mankind. Between us and the East Coast literati it will be the greatest orgy of hype and self-pity in sports history. We are designing the curse headlines even as I write this.


Which curse is worse?


Who has the better pizza?

Kennedy-Daley Connection
A look at how Boston and Chicago helped shape America.

Now I know you scummy Sox fans will say "but Boston always plays here!"
Yeah? Well, now they are playing a team people care about, peasants.

*sneer* *sneer* *sneer*

By the way, I see that they played the 1918 World Series in original Cominsky
Field, or whatever they're calling it now. Was anybody mugged or murdered
on the way in?

*sneer* *sneer* *sneer*

Sneering Chicago Media Ass here. We aren't going to do that for you, you
unworthy peons. The Yankees played a team that everyone cares about.
As for *sneer* you people *sneer* we're pissed enough over the fact
that we have to breathe the same air as you peasants.

However, as all you ahem...people know, the Boston Red Sox are coming to
Chicago for the first time since 1918!! Battle of the Curses!! Oh, sure, you
unworthy nothings will say "But Boston won last year!!" Yeah, well, they and
our Cubbies are comrades-in-arms! We are already preparing columns compar-
ing Boston seafood to Chicago pizza, and the charm of Temple Wrigley with
that of Fenway, and how the Daleys and Kennedys shaped America. Maybe
we'll pull off a couple of obituary writers to cover your series. *sneer*
*sneer* *sneer*

I find it hilarious that the Trib is highlighting teams that choked away big leads. They haven't ever pointed out that the White Sox have never done that in their history. Sure there were close call teams like 1967 and 1977 but they didn't have the leads of the 64 Phillies or 69 Cubs.

I have an idea for teams that they could do, but I'll wait for a while to spring that idea.

In the meantime, let's have the Trib compare the 05 Sox to past SOX teams
that won. That wouldn't be too hard, would it?

Sneering Chicago Media Ass here. What a great idea. Dan! Kill today's
pull out section about the comparisons between the 05 Sox and the
64 Phillies,69 Cubs, 93 Giants, 95 Angels, and 01 Mariners. We're going
with a different angle!

The 2005 White Sox and the 1919 White Sox: A comparison

1b "Chick" Gandil "Chicks dig me" Konerko
Gandil was the ringleader of the fix. Will Konerko do the same?

LF "Shoeless" Joe Jackson "Homerless" Scott Podsednik

CF "Happy" Felsch Aaron Rowand
Felsch liked to run into walls. So does Rowand. Will history repeat itself?

A look at how Mark Buehrle and Jon Garland rate against Lefty Williams and Eddie Cicotte
Morrissey: Do this year's Sox have a Dickie Kerr?

1919 Charles "I don't have any money!" Comiskey
2005 Jerry "I don't have any money!" Reinsdorf
will history repeat itself?

There ya are, Sox fans. Don't say we don't think of you. Sneering Chicago
Media Ass here. I'm out. *sneer* *sneer* *sneer*
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