It's not a realistic scenario at all, but hypothetically, I think Ventura's calm intensity and Herm Schneider's expertise would benefit Hamilton. Also, if I were Hamilton's friend, knowing that his troubles with the Rangers got magnified as the team attracted more media attention, I might try to steer him toward a team like the Sox for the following reasons:
1. The Sox are second fiddle to the Cubs in a football-first town, and therefore don't get a ton of media coverage;
2. Chicago isn't as overtly evangelical as Texas or even other Midwestern markets, meaning a big part of the fan base in Chicago won't be putting added pressure on you to be a religious role model (no one in Chicago will judge you if you have a few beers);
3. Avoid the overly negative fans and sports media in Boston, Philly and New York;
4. Stay away from the permissive drug culture prevalent on the West Coast.
The universe is the practical joke of the General at the expense of the Particular, quoth Frater Perdurabo, and laughed. The disciples nearest him wept, seeing the Universal Sorrow. Others laughed, seeing the Universal Joke. Others wept. Others laughed. Others wept because they couldn't see the Joke, and others laughed lest they should be thought not to see the Joke. But though FRATER laughed openly, he wept secretly; and really he neither laughed nor wept. Nor did he mean what he said.