I have to go with the Tigers as much as it pains me to say. I've hated the Yankees for too long, and the End of the World is not a realistic third option.
I do have this crazy vision of Valverde (El Douche Grande) drilling Swisher between the numbers (not in the head, because it wouldn't hurt). But Swisher swings anyway and the bat slips out of his hands, hits Valverde in the forehead and knocks him clear into center field.
A guy can dream right?
"It's not the high price of stardom that bothers me...it's the high price of mediocrity." - Bill Veeck